By Dafe Ivwurie
Last Sunday, Bright Okpocha, the dreadlock-spotting popular comedian known as Basketmouth, staged a comedy show at the prestigious and newly built Expo Centre of the Eko Hotel and Suites, Lagos. The show tagged “The Lord of the Ribs” was to celebrate his 10th year on stage and it paraded top Nigerian comedy acts along with invited comedians from South Africa, America and the United Kingdom. By all accounts, it was an impressive show that lived up to all the hype and publicity it got from the print and electronic media.
Perhaps, the only comedian who has staged anything bigger than what Basketmouth did is the impresario himself, the Don of the comedy clan, Alibaba, when he celebrated his 20 years on stage as a comedian and master of ceremonies per excellence.
I will not attempt to analyse the performance of the men and woman who graced the stage, because they all gave very good account of themselves and justified why the host invited them. Comedy, like music, is a universal language. At every point in time in our lives, we all feel the need to laugh, to see the brighter side of life in spite of the whatever difficulty we go through. Sometimes, in the midst of all the chaos and uncertainties around us, we manage to bring out the funny side of life; and the comedians are adept at doing this.
The success of the show brings to the fore a number of issues – on a personal level for Bright, on a wider level, for the comedy industry and even much bigger level for Nigeria.
Basketmouth was doing a diploma at the University of Benin when Alibaba, the Delta State born pioneer of stand up comedy spotted him during a show he was anchoring in one of his visits to the Ugbowo campus of the university. Bright had been invited to perform as a rapper and in the middle of his rhymes and reason he would throw some banters and ‘yabbies’ at the audience. Alibaba thereafter invited and encouraged him to abandon being a rapper and embrace stand up comedy. That was in 2000. Today, the protégé has become a major force in the make-people-laugh venture, a testimony to talent, resilience, consistency and I must add, to Basketmouth’s humility and readiness to learn, take criticism and the ability to carve his own niche.
But the greater kudos goes to Alibaba, for being able to spot a talent and redirect the energy and the destiny of the young lad from music to comedy. It takes faith, courage, belief in oneself and chosen career to convince another to follow you. Alibaba had no mentor in the true sense of the word, just precursors and forerunners in the likes of, Babasala, Aluwe, Samanja and Jagua. Although names like John Chukwu and Muhammed Danjuma were fully entrenched in the entertainment circles, Alibaba made stand up comedy a profession and anybody who introduces himself as one need to give him that respect, if possible pay him tithes for taking the lead. Well, his colleagues already call him the Grand Comedian of the Federal Republic, GCFR. May be the federal government should begin to think of a national honour for him in recognition of his vision, pioneering work and entrepreneurial spirit in a field of endeavour that was not taken seriously.
The lord of the Ribs was a first of its kind event. It was the first time anybody would bring international comedy acts to Nigeria. What that signifies is that the entertainment industry in Nigeria is big. Entertainment as a cultural phenomenon has always had the power to cross borders, build bridges, cement relationships and create a platform for peace and unity. Nollywood, the Nigerian music scene and now the Nigerian comedy industry are the truly Nigerian exports that have defined us positively in the international community. Nigerians actors now collaborate with their counterparts in Europe and America with already released flick like ‘Ije’, which starred Genevieve Nnaji and Omotola Jalade-Ekeinde and the yet to be released ‘Anchor Baby’ by Omoni Oboli. If you watch Big Brother, the Mnet reality TV hit show, you would notice that seventy percent of the music played at intervals in the house is by Nigerian artistes and the interesting fact is that housemates from other African countries know these artistes and their music as if they come from the same country.
The most interesting performances of the night for me at the lord of the ribs show were that of Kevin J, the Peckham born British comedian and Ndumiso, the very intelligent Xhosa South African. Both of them literally tore down the borders, if you will, the walls, the way the Berlin walls that divided East and West Germany were crushed in that famous unification. There are hordes of Nigerians in Peckham, just like there are in Johannesburg and Nigerians, irrespective of whether you have visited those two cities, are quite familiar with the cross cultural linkages.
Comedy might very well be the new type of diplomacy; we poke fun and laugh at each other’s idiosyncrasies and come out not feeling insulted or feeling that our national pride has been violated. Kevin and Ndumiso did just that in their performances.
I am not sure how much money went into the planning of the very commendable event, but it is heart warming and noteworthy that international brands support this effort by a single Nigerian with a plan and a vision. The success is not Bright’s; the success is for the Nigerian spirit of determination and drive to succeed when the world does not give you a chance to.
I remember my first interview with Basketmouth about seven years ago and how he was filled with trepidation about starting ‘laffs and jamz’, his first shot at being a comedy impresario. It looked like a dream too big to achieve back then, but he pulled it off just like he pulled off ‘the lord of the ribs’.
By next year, the O2 arena is expected to play host to the UK edition. This is an opportunity for western media to celebrate Nigeria positively. A five minute news feature would do a lot of good for all the negativity that have been reported.
Nigerian Music, popular culture and politics
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Duke’s Assignment For Jega’s INEC
By Dafe Ivwurie
Donald Duke does not cut the look of a typical Nigerian politician and certainly does not speak like one.
We may not go into his mien, panache and graciousness, which in truth, make you look upon him with a sense of admiration and trust. However, it is his recent moves and utterances that should come under sharp focus.
Well, it is no news to those who follow Nigerian politics that elections are rigged in this country and I guess we can fathom in our minds the extent to which politicians go to win elections. Fathom no more, because Mr. Duke has just put flesh on all the figments of your imaginations of how elections are rigged in Nigeria.
Donald Duke is someone who should know, having been governor of Cross River State for two terms from 1999 to 2007. In a recent extempore speech to pro democracy Save Nigeria Group, in Abuja, the former governor delivered a candour’s niche remark of how governors rig elections in Nigeria.
It is important for you, like they say, to hear it from the horses mouth: “This is what happens; the resident electoral commissioner (REC) is usually from another state. The electoral officers, they move around. They are usually from that state, but for the conduct of elections itself, you would probably move from Cross River to Akwa Ibom or to Abia, but these musical chairs don’t mean anything.
“When the resident electoral commissioner comes before the elections are conducted, of course, when he comes to the state, usually, he has no accommodation; monies have not been released for the running or conduct of the elections and all that because we always start late. He pays a courtesy call on the governor. It’s usually a televised event you know, and of course he says all the right things.
“Your Excellency, I am here to ensure that we have free and fair elections and I will require your support.”
Mr. Duke went into some details of how a governor can ‘support’ a REC, including providing comfortable accommodation, cars, funds and even personnel as a run up to ensuring that he discharges his duty of delivering free and fair elections in the state.
I personally do not think that this is an indictment on any governor or any political party. Politicians are by nature meant to take advantage of any situation that would favour them. It is, instead, an indictment on the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) and the whole electoral system of Nigeria.
I think Donald Duke’s revelation buttresses the argument for a truly autonomous electoral body in terms of funding and modus operandi. Why should the INEC wait for the National Assembly before it can get funding? Why should REC go to a state without being adequately officially catered for? Why should a REC ask for personnel from a state governor and also the resources to train them?
In a not so surprising response to Duke’s remarks, Prof. Attahiru Jega, the chairman of INEC has read the ‘riot act’ to RECs, who would be working with him not to ask for or receive any assistance or support from state governors. That, in fact, they should get clearance from the headquarters before receiving any support. According to Jega, his directive to the RECs is necessary in order to maintain the independence of INEC, saying, “you will agree with me that such measures are essential in ensuring public confidence in your work.”
Granted that this is a good sound bite coming from Jega, his directive to his men may well be just about a quarter of the solution needed to make INEC truly independent.
What about this other issue raised by Mr. Duke: “On the day of elections, each polling booth has no more than 500 ballot papers; that is the standard. There is not a polling booth that is more than 500. So only 200 people appear here, 300, 100 there, 50 there, 400 there, at the end of election what happens? The presiding officer sits down and calls a few guys and says, “hey, there are a few hundred papers here, let’s thumbprint. This is the real election. Well, this is not a PDP thing. I am not here to castigate the PDP; it’s a Nigerian thing. This process may sound comical and jovial; it happens throughout the country, whether it is Action Congress (AC) or APGA (All Progressives Grand Alliance), it’s the same thing. We are all the same. They start thumb-printing, some are overzealous. So at the end of the day you find some voting more than the number of people that were registered to vote.”
You see, all that talk about RECs getting support from the state governors is just a prelude to the above quoted remark by Mr. Duke and that is where the activist umpire, Prof. Jega, has his work cut out for him. This is what will make or mar his tenure as INEC chairman and his reputation as an activist and thoroughbred intellectual. It will be interesting if he will be looking in the way of Option A4, which was highly successful under Humphrey Nwosu or will he be relying on technology knowing the illiteracy level of those in the rural areas or a hybrid of both.
I once had an interview with Justice Victor Ovie-Whiskey, former FEDECO boss and the old man told me that “Nigerians are master riggers”. I think Mr. Duke has just given Prof. Jega a blueprint on rigging in Nigeria, the ball is now in the INEC chairman’s court to provide Nigerians with a blueprint on delivering credible elections not only in 2011 but beyond.
Donald Duke does not cut the look of a typical Nigerian politician and certainly does not speak like one.
We may not go into his mien, panache and graciousness, which in truth, make you look upon him with a sense of admiration and trust. However, it is his recent moves and utterances that should come under sharp focus.
Well, it is no news to those who follow Nigerian politics that elections are rigged in this country and I guess we can fathom in our minds the extent to which politicians go to win elections. Fathom no more, because Mr. Duke has just put flesh on all the figments of your imaginations of how elections are rigged in Nigeria.
Donald Duke is someone who should know, having been governor of Cross River State for two terms from 1999 to 2007. In a recent extempore speech to pro democracy Save Nigeria Group, in Abuja, the former governor delivered a candour’s niche remark of how governors rig elections in Nigeria.
It is important for you, like they say, to hear it from the horses mouth: “This is what happens; the resident electoral commissioner (REC) is usually from another state. The electoral officers, they move around. They are usually from that state, but for the conduct of elections itself, you would probably move from Cross River to Akwa Ibom or to Abia, but these musical chairs don’t mean anything.
“When the resident electoral commissioner comes before the elections are conducted, of course, when he comes to the state, usually, he has no accommodation; monies have not been released for the running or conduct of the elections and all that because we always start late. He pays a courtesy call on the governor. It’s usually a televised event you know, and of course he says all the right things.
“Your Excellency, I am here to ensure that we have free and fair elections and I will require your support.”
Mr. Duke went into some details of how a governor can ‘support’ a REC, including providing comfortable accommodation, cars, funds and even personnel as a run up to ensuring that he discharges his duty of delivering free and fair elections in the state.
I personally do not think that this is an indictment on any governor or any political party. Politicians are by nature meant to take advantage of any situation that would favour them. It is, instead, an indictment on the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) and the whole electoral system of Nigeria.
I think Donald Duke’s revelation buttresses the argument for a truly autonomous electoral body in terms of funding and modus operandi. Why should the INEC wait for the National Assembly before it can get funding? Why should REC go to a state without being adequately officially catered for? Why should a REC ask for personnel from a state governor and also the resources to train them?
In a not so surprising response to Duke’s remarks, Prof. Attahiru Jega, the chairman of INEC has read the ‘riot act’ to RECs, who would be working with him not to ask for or receive any assistance or support from state governors. That, in fact, they should get clearance from the headquarters before receiving any support. According to Jega, his directive to the RECs is necessary in order to maintain the independence of INEC, saying, “you will agree with me that such measures are essential in ensuring public confidence in your work.”
Granted that this is a good sound bite coming from Jega, his directive to his men may well be just about a quarter of the solution needed to make INEC truly independent.
What about this other issue raised by Mr. Duke: “On the day of elections, each polling booth has no more than 500 ballot papers; that is the standard. There is not a polling booth that is more than 500. So only 200 people appear here, 300, 100 there, 50 there, 400 there, at the end of election what happens? The presiding officer sits down and calls a few guys and says, “hey, there are a few hundred papers here, let’s thumbprint. This is the real election. Well, this is not a PDP thing. I am not here to castigate the PDP; it’s a Nigerian thing. This process may sound comical and jovial; it happens throughout the country, whether it is Action Congress (AC) or APGA (All Progressives Grand Alliance), it’s the same thing. We are all the same. They start thumb-printing, some are overzealous. So at the end of the day you find some voting more than the number of people that were registered to vote.”
You see, all that talk about RECs getting support from the state governors is just a prelude to the above quoted remark by Mr. Duke and that is where the activist umpire, Prof. Jega, has his work cut out for him. This is what will make or mar his tenure as INEC chairman and his reputation as an activist and thoroughbred intellectual. It will be interesting if he will be looking in the way of Option A4, which was highly successful under Humphrey Nwosu or will he be relying on technology knowing the illiteracy level of those in the rural areas or a hybrid of both.
I once had an interview with Justice Victor Ovie-Whiskey, former FEDECO boss and the old man told me that “Nigerians are master riggers”. I think Mr. Duke has just given Prof. Jega a blueprint on rigging in Nigeria, the ball is now in the INEC chairman’s court to provide Nigerians with a blueprint on delivering credible elections not only in 2011 but beyond.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
IBB Is Following Me!
By Dafe Ivwurie
I was stepping out of my house, heading to the pub to see the final match of the just concluded FIFA World Cup, when my Blackberry beeped. The message simply said “Ibrahim Babangida is now following you…”
The first thing that came out of my mouth was “Oh my God!” as I looked downstairs to be sure that there was nobody lurking around in the compound. Then I looked at my phone again to be sure that I had not been in a trance. I read the message again, this time around to the end and it read “Ibrahim Babangida is now following you on Twitter.” I heaved a heavy sigh of relief and became intrigued about the guy’s seriousness to contest the 2011 presidential election and engaging Nigerians, especially the youth on the World Wide Web. I was particularly taken in by the fact that his ego is actually not larger than the World Wide Web and he can condescend to the realms of mere mortals and the platform of the talakawas; quite impressive, indeed.
IBB is not the type of leader (and I use the term ‘leader’ loosely in reference to the fact that he has led this nation before not necessarily because he has espoused any democratic or developmental ideology) that we expect to show up on Twitter and Facebook or any other serious social networking site. IBB, has over the years, been presented as a man, in and out of uniform, who is larger than life and can get whatever he wants in Nigeria. So it should come as a surprise that he intends to use the Internet to prosecute his much talked about presidential bid.
It is interesting that quite a number of politicians have imbibed the Barack Obama strategy to solicit support for whatever office they are gunning for in the coming elections. The Obama inspiration on politicians and the political landscape is huge and should be studied by sociologists, political scientists and historians. A certain writer had described Obama as the mythical cipher to all mans aspiration and dreams.
But shall we return to our man IBB. I am not impressed by the fact that IBB has chosen to follow me on Twitter. If anything, I am the one who should be inspired by him for me to follow. If we must follow the Obama example, I am not sure how many people Barack Obama follows on Twitter. People follow Barack Obama. I follow him, too. That is because the first Black American President has become a big inspiration for ethnic minorities, for hard work, for self-belief and for the demise of impossibilities to every man who believes. Those are credentials that you don’t buy in the market place. You earn it. IBB should show me, nay Nigerians, your credentials to command any serious following.
On the first day of Goodluck Jonathan opening his Facebook account, the page registered about 23,000 fans. Now three weeks old, the fan base has increased to about 114,000. Not that I consider Goodluck Jonathan a leader other than he is the President of my country, I think the fact that he became President under divine and extraordinary circumstances make people look up to him. But he himself is about to go the way every privileged Nigerian leader has gone in the last 30 years that I can recall; they get there achieve nothing and want to sit tight.
I hear a lot of people talk about the quality of followers that we have in Nigeria, how they expect government to do everything for them, how they are perennially pecuniary in thinking and how they cannot take initiative or take their destiny in their hands. My answer is let’s go back to the leaders and how they have deliberately made this impossible.
Politics in Nigeria up to the late 60s when I was born, as I read, was vibrant and based on ideologies with an eye for developing the region even though there were a lot of ethnic and regional undertones. I doubt if there is any Nigerian my age or older than me who does not know what Obafemi Awolowo or Nnamdi Azikiwe or Ahmadu Bello stood for. Historians even coined words like Awoism and Zikism. People were eager to listen to and follow these men to the ends of the earth because they were compelling and persuasive. I am sure that we still have a few politicians of the Awoist and Zikist schools of thought. Some of the ideas they espoused may be archaic to present day realities, but can someone show me a contemporary Nigerian leader with fresh thoughts, fresh ideas, persuasive thinking, compelling ideologies and commanding charisma to match.
Rather than following me on Twitter and asking me to be your fan on Facebook, can we please meet in a town hall meeting where we can put your democratic ideals to the test? And this also goes for all politicians seeking elective offices in the coming elections.
Okay, IBB you can follow me, but I am sorry, I will not follow you.
I was stepping out of my house, heading to the pub to see the final match of the just concluded FIFA World Cup, when my Blackberry beeped. The message simply said “Ibrahim Babangida is now following you…”
The first thing that came out of my mouth was “Oh my God!” as I looked downstairs to be sure that there was nobody lurking around in the compound. Then I looked at my phone again to be sure that I had not been in a trance. I read the message again, this time around to the end and it read “Ibrahim Babangida is now following you on Twitter.” I heaved a heavy sigh of relief and became intrigued about the guy’s seriousness to contest the 2011 presidential election and engaging Nigerians, especially the youth on the World Wide Web. I was particularly taken in by the fact that his ego is actually not larger than the World Wide Web and he can condescend to the realms of mere mortals and the platform of the talakawas; quite impressive, indeed.
IBB is not the type of leader (and I use the term ‘leader’ loosely in reference to the fact that he has led this nation before not necessarily because he has espoused any democratic or developmental ideology) that we expect to show up on Twitter and Facebook or any other serious social networking site. IBB, has over the years, been presented as a man, in and out of uniform, who is larger than life and can get whatever he wants in Nigeria. So it should come as a surprise that he intends to use the Internet to prosecute his much talked about presidential bid.
It is interesting that quite a number of politicians have imbibed the Barack Obama strategy to solicit support for whatever office they are gunning for in the coming elections. The Obama inspiration on politicians and the political landscape is huge and should be studied by sociologists, political scientists and historians. A certain writer had described Obama as the mythical cipher to all mans aspiration and dreams.
But shall we return to our man IBB. I am not impressed by the fact that IBB has chosen to follow me on Twitter. If anything, I am the one who should be inspired by him for me to follow. If we must follow the Obama example, I am not sure how many people Barack Obama follows on Twitter. People follow Barack Obama. I follow him, too. That is because the first Black American President has become a big inspiration for ethnic minorities, for hard work, for self-belief and for the demise of impossibilities to every man who believes. Those are credentials that you don’t buy in the market place. You earn it. IBB should show me, nay Nigerians, your credentials to command any serious following.
On the first day of Goodluck Jonathan opening his Facebook account, the page registered about 23,000 fans. Now three weeks old, the fan base has increased to about 114,000. Not that I consider Goodluck Jonathan a leader other than he is the President of my country, I think the fact that he became President under divine and extraordinary circumstances make people look up to him. But he himself is about to go the way every privileged Nigerian leader has gone in the last 30 years that I can recall; they get there achieve nothing and want to sit tight.
I hear a lot of people talk about the quality of followers that we have in Nigeria, how they expect government to do everything for them, how they are perennially pecuniary in thinking and how they cannot take initiative or take their destiny in their hands. My answer is let’s go back to the leaders and how they have deliberately made this impossible.
Politics in Nigeria up to the late 60s when I was born, as I read, was vibrant and based on ideologies with an eye for developing the region even though there were a lot of ethnic and regional undertones. I doubt if there is any Nigerian my age or older than me who does not know what Obafemi Awolowo or Nnamdi Azikiwe or Ahmadu Bello stood for. Historians even coined words like Awoism and Zikism. People were eager to listen to and follow these men to the ends of the earth because they were compelling and persuasive. I am sure that we still have a few politicians of the Awoist and Zikist schools of thought. Some of the ideas they espoused may be archaic to present day realities, but can someone show me a contemporary Nigerian leader with fresh thoughts, fresh ideas, persuasive thinking, compelling ideologies and commanding charisma to match.
Rather than following me on Twitter and asking me to be your fan on Facebook, can we please meet in a town hall meeting where we can put your democratic ideals to the test? And this also goes for all politicians seeking elective offices in the coming elections.
Okay, IBB you can follow me, but I am sorry, I will not follow you.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Mr.President, We Need Jobs
By Dafe Ivwurie
Dear Mr. President, I have this funny feeling that you will not get to read this, because I am not Reuben Abati, or Simon Kolawole or any of those big-men-editors and commentators who write on the back and opinion pages of the newspapers in Nigeria. Perhaps you do not even read Nigerian newspapers, except for their comic relief, like the man who handed over to you and your late boss, Umaru Yar’Adua, whose position God has so chosen that you occupy today.
But sir, if your media aides let you read this, I wish to inform you that young Nigerians need jobs. I will suppose that the message is simple and clear enough, but just to make you understand the full import of this no job dilemma, may I ask you to please patiently read the story of someone I met recently and see if this will spur you to help countless youths that get out of Nigerian universities yearly and find it easier to get water in a desert than get a job in the country that you are so fortunate to lead.
Peter walked up to me at the place that I call my favourite spot in the world, the Lagos Bar Beach. I usually go there in the evening since the former Lagos State governor, Bola Tinubu, upgraded it to what it is now. I go there to watch people come and go, lovers hold hands and play pranks in the sand, to watch the waves and the ships coming from distant places, to observe the ‘area boys’, able-bodied men hustling to sell you fake parking tickets and also offer different services including choko (choko is the street slang for marijuana) to people like me who have come to bask in the serene space.
Pardon my digression, Sir. Peter came to sell me a wristwatch. It was a Tag Heuer. I am sure the President knows that name. He offered it to me at N10,000, to which I said “no thanks”. He persisted, reassuring me of its quality and the fact that I was getting it at a give away price. Not really interested, I beat the price down to N1,000 and after much haggling he told me to pay. I knew we would come to that. So I said to him, “you know this watch is either fake or stolen from a ship at the wharf and I do not buy fake or stolen items.”
His reply to me was direct and straight to the point, this time dropping the Pidgin English. “My guy” he said.
“You know very well that this country is hard and I am just trying to make ends meet. I’d rather do this than steal. Stealing is not an option but it is becoming enticing these days. So even if you are not buying, please find something for me make I take chop, anything at all will do.”
I didn’t know what to read in his voice or in his eyes. But for the first time in our almost 10 minutes encounter, I looked at his face; his mien was confident and his eyes were not dimmed or bloodshot like countless other vendors that I’d encountered on the beach almost on a daily basis.
“How am I sure that you won’t go and do gbana when I give you some money?” I said deliberately. By the way, Mr. President, gbana is a term for getting high on marijuana.
He smiled and said: “Somehow I trust that you’d know if I have been smoking weed.”
I ignored him and asked him to follow me. We sat at a table under an umbrella by the seashore and I asked him to order food and drink. His order was modest. I cracked a few jokes to make him fill comfortable; I wanted to hear his story. Not that I was sure he had a story, but it turned out that he had one.
His mother died of malaria. His father couldn’t raise enough money to buy drugs at the hospital. Peter himself had gone out to hustle for daily bread. The only person who had money to spare was his 24-year-old younger sister.
“Why didn’t she pay the bills?” I asked
“My parents didn’t want her money and I understand why.”
“Why?” I probed.
“She does runs.”
“Prostitution,” I said.
He was quiet. So I said to him, “you sound educated; what level of education did you get?”
“I have a degree in business administration,” he said as he fumbled into a bag that he had across his shoulder to show me his certificate. There was no reason to doubt him because I didn’t think that he knew that from just introducing a fake wristwatch to me we were going to have this long conversation about his background.
“Why are you not working?”
“I was. I lost my job as a security man in one of the banks some months back. I got the job as soon as I finished NYSC (National Youth Service Corps) and was hoping to get something better from there; I was there for just two years. Oga, you know there is no job in this country. I have a lot of friends who have very good degrees from Nigerian universities who still have not got a job even after five years of graduation,” he said.
I listened to him and I felt helpless, wishing there was something I could do to help. I told him that I lost my job too in the bank but was lucky because I was a journalist before going into banking.
“Ha, so you are a press man? I enjoy reading Reuben Abati and Simon Kolawole. You journalists have access to government; you should tell them some of these things happening in the country. As far as I am concerned, we youths we don’t care what these politicians do, we just want them to create jobs for us so that we can earn a living,” he said.
He told me that he is sure that his sister would leave what she is doing if she gets a good job.
Eventually, I gave him some money. I think he appreciated it. He thanked me profusely. He didn’t ask for my name or my phone number, he just said, “please tell the President to create jobs for youths, otherwise”, by this time we were by my car. I smiled and told him to stay out of trouble promising him that I will write and hope that the President will read it.
There, Mr. President, is a message from a young Nigerian.
Dear Mr. President, I have this funny feeling that you will not get to read this, because I am not Reuben Abati, or Simon Kolawole or any of those big-men-editors and commentators who write on the back and opinion pages of the newspapers in Nigeria. Perhaps you do not even read Nigerian newspapers, except for their comic relief, like the man who handed over to you and your late boss, Umaru Yar’Adua, whose position God has so chosen that you occupy today.
But sir, if your media aides let you read this, I wish to inform you that young Nigerians need jobs. I will suppose that the message is simple and clear enough, but just to make you understand the full import of this no job dilemma, may I ask you to please patiently read the story of someone I met recently and see if this will spur you to help countless youths that get out of Nigerian universities yearly and find it easier to get water in a desert than get a job in the country that you are so fortunate to lead.
Peter walked up to me at the place that I call my favourite spot in the world, the Lagos Bar Beach. I usually go there in the evening since the former Lagos State governor, Bola Tinubu, upgraded it to what it is now. I go there to watch people come and go, lovers hold hands and play pranks in the sand, to watch the waves and the ships coming from distant places, to observe the ‘area boys’, able-bodied men hustling to sell you fake parking tickets and also offer different services including choko (choko is the street slang for marijuana) to people like me who have come to bask in the serene space.
Pardon my digression, Sir. Peter came to sell me a wristwatch. It was a Tag Heuer. I am sure the President knows that name. He offered it to me at N10,000, to which I said “no thanks”. He persisted, reassuring me of its quality and the fact that I was getting it at a give away price. Not really interested, I beat the price down to N1,000 and after much haggling he told me to pay. I knew we would come to that. So I said to him, “you know this watch is either fake or stolen from a ship at the wharf and I do not buy fake or stolen items.”
His reply to me was direct and straight to the point, this time dropping the Pidgin English. “My guy” he said.
“You know very well that this country is hard and I am just trying to make ends meet. I’d rather do this than steal. Stealing is not an option but it is becoming enticing these days. So even if you are not buying, please find something for me make I take chop, anything at all will do.”
I didn’t know what to read in his voice or in his eyes. But for the first time in our almost 10 minutes encounter, I looked at his face; his mien was confident and his eyes were not dimmed or bloodshot like countless other vendors that I’d encountered on the beach almost on a daily basis.
“How am I sure that you won’t go and do gbana when I give you some money?” I said deliberately. By the way, Mr. President, gbana is a term for getting high on marijuana.
He smiled and said: “Somehow I trust that you’d know if I have been smoking weed.”
I ignored him and asked him to follow me. We sat at a table under an umbrella by the seashore and I asked him to order food and drink. His order was modest. I cracked a few jokes to make him fill comfortable; I wanted to hear his story. Not that I was sure he had a story, but it turned out that he had one.
His mother died of malaria. His father couldn’t raise enough money to buy drugs at the hospital. Peter himself had gone out to hustle for daily bread. The only person who had money to spare was his 24-year-old younger sister.
“Why didn’t she pay the bills?” I asked
“My parents didn’t want her money and I understand why.”
“Why?” I probed.
“She does runs.”
“Prostitution,” I said.
He was quiet. So I said to him, “you sound educated; what level of education did you get?”
“I have a degree in business administration,” he said as he fumbled into a bag that he had across his shoulder to show me his certificate. There was no reason to doubt him because I didn’t think that he knew that from just introducing a fake wristwatch to me we were going to have this long conversation about his background.
“Why are you not working?”
“I was. I lost my job as a security man in one of the banks some months back. I got the job as soon as I finished NYSC (National Youth Service Corps) and was hoping to get something better from there; I was there for just two years. Oga, you know there is no job in this country. I have a lot of friends who have very good degrees from Nigerian universities who still have not got a job even after five years of graduation,” he said.
I listened to him and I felt helpless, wishing there was something I could do to help. I told him that I lost my job too in the bank but was lucky because I was a journalist before going into banking.
“Ha, so you are a press man? I enjoy reading Reuben Abati and Simon Kolawole. You journalists have access to government; you should tell them some of these things happening in the country. As far as I am concerned, we youths we don’t care what these politicians do, we just want them to create jobs for us so that we can earn a living,” he said.
He told me that he is sure that his sister would leave what she is doing if she gets a good job.
Eventually, I gave him some money. I think he appreciated it. He thanked me profusely. He didn’t ask for my name or my phone number, he just said, “please tell the President to create jobs for youths, otherwise”, by this time we were by my car. I smiled and told him to stay out of trouble promising him that I will write and hope that the President will read it.
There, Mr. President, is a message from a young Nigerian.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Jibola And His Daughter
By Dafe Ivwurie
Jibola rushed into the pub to catch up with one of the games of the just concluded English Premiership League. It was one of the high profile matches between two of the biggest teams in England. The pub was full with an eclectic mix of men – the bankers, the oil workers, the telecommunications guys, the neighbourhood lads, mobile policemen and security guards, who left their duty posts, artisans and of course some ladies to ensure that soccer is not gender biased and if you like, to keep the guys going.
The smell of cigarette and the smoke thereof was pervasive, almost choking. The white silky plume was sailing in the now musky air entangled with human perspiration; it was coming from every direction. What was also coming from every direction were all the swear words, the F words and the S words and the new inventions of suggestive words that seemed to define moments in the game in an uncanny way. Men (and women, too) say all sorts when they are under the influence, more so, when the influences are alcohol and the adrenalin that comes from such high octane and passionate encounter between rival teams.
Jibola did not come alone. He came with his daughter. She should be about 10; pretty young thing with very inquisitive eyes. She came dressed like her father in the colours of one of the teams, which her father supports, obviously. Suddenly, all eyes that noticed their entrance turned away from the television screens positioned strategically around the bar, to the direction of the father and daughter.
In no time the ladies in the pub and some of the men stampeded and yelled Jibola out of the bar for his wrong judgment and lack of discretion and circumspection. A silly looking guy, who I could not tell whether he was drunk or excited over nothing, actually quoted a Bible passage: “Train up a child in the way that she should go and when she grows up she will not depart from it.” His argument was that Jibola was teaching his daughter to be a supporter. A few voices and heads mumbled and nodded in agreement. I was shocked. I was scandalised on their behalf.
Since when has a pub filled with misbehaving men become a playground for a 10-year-old impressionable girl? Alas, Jibola did not see the point, until someone told him that the only places you can take a girl to at such tender age is the church, the bookshop, a family picnic and her friend’s birthday party, not a booze parlour filled with people who have come to vent in the most offensive language you can imagine.
I am not a father and may not understand the relationship between parents and children, but I had a father who, by all means, I refer to as a role model in some things, that I still find it hard to engage in certain things just because I think the old man will turn in his grave when he sees me engaging in them. But trust me, I’d rather not be a chip off the old block when I look back at some of the things he did, too.
There is something in your subconscious that holds on to things you picked while growing up at home, in church, in school, in the hood, from your parents. This does not explain why some children of pastors and imams are far away from what their religious parents teach. The mind of a child naturally explores possibilities; so the opportunities we expose them to provide veritable grounds to imagine scenarios as they grow up.
I was unfortunate to have seen drugs at a very early age in secondary school. I mean, addictive drugs like cocaine, marijuana and one that they called Chinese capsule. If you must know, I only saw, I did not take. I did not take for a very simple reason; because my father told me that “if you take it, you will go mad” and gave me countless examples of so-called role models of my days who were messed up by drugs. The option of being mentally deranged was not appealing to me, but I doubt if it was my strong will that saw me through the excitement, attractive and adventurous escapades of my peers. I got drunk once out of curiosity on a mixture of palm wine and stout at the age of 15. My siblings and cousins had to lock me up in a room in the BQ till I got sober. The feeling was bad and nasty and I still wonder why anybody would want to live permanently on the edge with a hangover. I think I prefer my red wine, which the doctors say is good for the heart (and the bones, too?).
I wonder what story Jibola must have told his daughter if she asked “daddy, why did they ask us to leave?” or “daddy is that place a bad place?” as they left the pub. I wonder where they may have gone to that afternoon. I wonder what impression about good judgment and fatherly love may have been etched on the girl’s mind. I am positive that the girl must have some mind boggling interminable whys which she may not even ask but which she may explore in the fullness of time.
Perhaps, we did a good thing for Jibola and for his daughter, because I guess that the impression of men belching beer and swear words and making suggestive and lewd remarks would be heavy on the poor girl’s mind. Who knows what images her inquisitive mind would have painted thereafter? We may never know.
Today’s children know too many words at 12, which I am ashamed to say I did not know when I was 15 and I thought I was hip. How did the words French kiss, wet kiss, lap dance and threesome get into the vocabulary of teenagers or am I getting old?
Jibola rushed into the pub to catch up with one of the games of the just concluded English Premiership League. It was one of the high profile matches between two of the biggest teams in England. The pub was full with an eclectic mix of men – the bankers, the oil workers, the telecommunications guys, the neighbourhood lads, mobile policemen and security guards, who left their duty posts, artisans and of course some ladies to ensure that soccer is not gender biased and if you like, to keep the guys going.
The smell of cigarette and the smoke thereof was pervasive, almost choking. The white silky plume was sailing in the now musky air entangled with human perspiration; it was coming from every direction. What was also coming from every direction were all the swear words, the F words and the S words and the new inventions of suggestive words that seemed to define moments in the game in an uncanny way. Men (and women, too) say all sorts when they are under the influence, more so, when the influences are alcohol and the adrenalin that comes from such high octane and passionate encounter between rival teams.
Jibola did not come alone. He came with his daughter. She should be about 10; pretty young thing with very inquisitive eyes. She came dressed like her father in the colours of one of the teams, which her father supports, obviously. Suddenly, all eyes that noticed their entrance turned away from the television screens positioned strategically around the bar, to the direction of the father and daughter.
In no time the ladies in the pub and some of the men stampeded and yelled Jibola out of the bar for his wrong judgment and lack of discretion and circumspection. A silly looking guy, who I could not tell whether he was drunk or excited over nothing, actually quoted a Bible passage: “Train up a child in the way that she should go and when she grows up she will not depart from it.” His argument was that Jibola was teaching his daughter to be a supporter. A few voices and heads mumbled and nodded in agreement. I was shocked. I was scandalised on their behalf.
Since when has a pub filled with misbehaving men become a playground for a 10-year-old impressionable girl? Alas, Jibola did not see the point, until someone told him that the only places you can take a girl to at such tender age is the church, the bookshop, a family picnic and her friend’s birthday party, not a booze parlour filled with people who have come to vent in the most offensive language you can imagine.
I am not a father and may not understand the relationship between parents and children, but I had a father who, by all means, I refer to as a role model in some things, that I still find it hard to engage in certain things just because I think the old man will turn in his grave when he sees me engaging in them. But trust me, I’d rather not be a chip off the old block when I look back at some of the things he did, too.
There is something in your subconscious that holds on to things you picked while growing up at home, in church, in school, in the hood, from your parents. This does not explain why some children of pastors and imams are far away from what their religious parents teach. The mind of a child naturally explores possibilities; so the opportunities we expose them to provide veritable grounds to imagine scenarios as they grow up.
I was unfortunate to have seen drugs at a very early age in secondary school. I mean, addictive drugs like cocaine, marijuana and one that they called Chinese capsule. If you must know, I only saw, I did not take. I did not take for a very simple reason; because my father told me that “if you take it, you will go mad” and gave me countless examples of so-called role models of my days who were messed up by drugs. The option of being mentally deranged was not appealing to me, but I doubt if it was my strong will that saw me through the excitement, attractive and adventurous escapades of my peers. I got drunk once out of curiosity on a mixture of palm wine and stout at the age of 15. My siblings and cousins had to lock me up in a room in the BQ till I got sober. The feeling was bad and nasty and I still wonder why anybody would want to live permanently on the edge with a hangover. I think I prefer my red wine, which the doctors say is good for the heart (and the bones, too?).
I wonder what story Jibola must have told his daughter if she asked “daddy, why did they ask us to leave?” or “daddy is that place a bad place?” as they left the pub. I wonder where they may have gone to that afternoon. I wonder what impression about good judgment and fatherly love may have been etched on the girl’s mind. I am positive that the girl must have some mind boggling interminable whys which she may not even ask but which she may explore in the fullness of time.
Perhaps, we did a good thing for Jibola and for his daughter, because I guess that the impression of men belching beer and swear words and making suggestive and lewd remarks would be heavy on the poor girl’s mind. Who knows what images her inquisitive mind would have painted thereafter? We may never know.
Today’s children know too many words at 12, which I am ashamed to say I did not know when I was 15 and I thought I was hip. How did the words French kiss, wet kiss, lap dance and threesome get into the vocabulary of teenagers or am I getting old?
Monday, June 07, 2010
Wishing the Super Eagles Good Luck
By Dafe Ivwurie
Will it be right to say that we are in a season of good luck? If we are, I think it is in order to wish our own super Eagles of Nigeria luck as they participate in this year’s FIFA World Cup tournament taking place for the first time on the African continent.
I must confess that I am particularly not expecting anything spectacular from the men and boys that Lars Lagerback has drafted to the team. There is, to say the truth, no discovery in the team to cause any excitement, the kind that the merciless Messi of Argentina, the ruthless Rooney of England, the ageless Ribery of France, the calculating Kaka of Brazil and of course the capricious Ronaldo of Portugal would cause any back line.
But it is not that bad. The name of our president is Goodluck and we can just hope that the cosmic powers will use that to our favour. I do not expect that we will beat Argetina in our first outing. But with some good fortune, we can expect that after trailing 0-3 fifteen minutes to the end of the game, Maradona’s team will lose focus and capitulate forcing them to make errors like own goal, handling the ball in the 18 yard box and under a lucky, cheeky one from the never-say-die Kanu Nwakwo.
I predict that the only team that we will beat fair and square will be the Republic of Korea by one goal. I expect us to draw with Greece. That will leave us with five points from the possible nine. That should take us through behind Argetina who will have 7 points. Once we qualify, we would need the services of Baba Eleran of IICC fame (is Baba still alive) or at least get someone who has learnt his trade of balubalu. Or we go to Warri to seek Rev. Gbejero, the pastor and emergency sports analyst who insists that the mere fact that he is invited to analyse matches means good luck and victory for Nigeria. See, we need all the good luck in the world.
I suspect that we might play England either in semi finals or the finals. I know this will annoy my friends who are Manchester United and Chelsea fans, but I am sorry to say that it is likely that Rooney’s injury might resurface and John Terry marital wahala might take a new twist that will force him to pull out of the competition. We will qualify for the final play either England or Brazil. Once we do, President, Goodluck Jonathan will lead a powerful delegation of men in government and eminent Nigerians to go and see and give the players moral support as well as to impart some goodluck anointing to them. We will win by a 'hand of God' goal which the referee will not see of course and bring the trophy home to Nigeria and to Africa for the first time.
Please be informed that this analysis is not based on any informed knowledge or understanding of the game, only on the fact that I choose to guard my heart against anything that will cause undue palpitations. I just want to enjoy this World Cup and I hope you do, too.
Will it be right to say that we are in a season of good luck? If we are, I think it is in order to wish our own super Eagles of Nigeria luck as they participate in this year’s FIFA World Cup tournament taking place for the first time on the African continent.
I must confess that I am particularly not expecting anything spectacular from the men and boys that Lars Lagerback has drafted to the team. There is, to say the truth, no discovery in the team to cause any excitement, the kind that the merciless Messi of Argentina, the ruthless Rooney of England, the ageless Ribery of France, the calculating Kaka of Brazil and of course the capricious Ronaldo of Portugal would cause any back line.
But it is not that bad. The name of our president is Goodluck and we can just hope that the cosmic powers will use that to our favour. I do not expect that we will beat Argetina in our first outing. But with some good fortune, we can expect that after trailing 0-3 fifteen minutes to the end of the game, Maradona’s team will lose focus and capitulate forcing them to make errors like own goal, handling the ball in the 18 yard box and under a lucky, cheeky one from the never-say-die Kanu Nwakwo.
I predict that the only team that we will beat fair and square will be the Republic of Korea by one goal. I expect us to draw with Greece. That will leave us with five points from the possible nine. That should take us through behind Argetina who will have 7 points. Once we qualify, we would need the services of Baba Eleran of IICC fame (is Baba still alive) or at least get someone who has learnt his trade of balubalu. Or we go to Warri to seek Rev. Gbejero, the pastor and emergency sports analyst who insists that the mere fact that he is invited to analyse matches means good luck and victory for Nigeria. See, we need all the good luck in the world.
I suspect that we might play England either in semi finals or the finals. I know this will annoy my friends who are Manchester United and Chelsea fans, but I am sorry to say that it is likely that Rooney’s injury might resurface and John Terry marital wahala might take a new twist that will force him to pull out of the competition. We will qualify for the final play either England or Brazil. Once we do, President, Goodluck Jonathan will lead a powerful delegation of men in government and eminent Nigerians to go and see and give the players moral support as well as to impart some goodluck anointing to them. We will win by a 'hand of God' goal which the referee will not see of course and bring the trophy home to Nigeria and to Africa for the first time.
Please be informed that this analysis is not based on any informed knowledge or understanding of the game, only on the fact that I choose to guard my heart against anything that will cause undue palpitations. I just want to enjoy this World Cup and I hope you do, too.
IBB’s ‘imoratlise Abiola’ heresy
By Dafe Ivwurie
The dictionary defines the word heresy as unorthodox religious opinion or the holding of an unorthodox religious opinion; one that is inconsistent with and contradicts established religious teaching, especially one that is officially condemned by a religious authority.
Permit me to remove the word heresy from its original contextual habitat and place it in an environment that is also as delicate, organized and subject to a lot of human abuses like religion - democracy. The simplest definition of democracy is “the government of the people, by the people and for the people”. The setting up this government and its powers is derived from the constitution agreed upon by the people. So it irks me when men who have raped, battered, refused and rejected the thriving of democracy in the history of Nigeria come out and mouth words about democracy; words that in my own opinion amount to profanities.
Ibrahim Badamasi Babangida and whatever he does or says does not excite me. But it is important that just in case there is somebody writing a script for him on national issues, the Minna-born general should consider firing the person because the fellow is a bad script writer. And if some of his recent pronouncements are a product of his thought processes, therefore his considered opinion, then he has completely lost the battle to redeem himself.
It is utter heresy, down right profane, for General Ibrahim Babangida, former military head of state, military president and democracy batterer to state that MKO Abiola should be immortalized. IBB’s statement is an insult on the sensibilities of many Nigerians who fought for civil rule and democracy and who are still alive to tell the story today. I am also sure that it will make those who died in the struggle to turn in their grave when they hear him pontificate on a matter that you do not ‘have a mouth in’.
Abiola or any other person who died or suffered while fighting for democracy to be instituted in the country, do not need the government to immortalize them; they do not need a political proclamation that only seeks to keep the like of IIB on the front pages of newspapers. Abiola is already immortalized in the hearts of members of his family, in the thousands of newspaper stories and millions of words that have been written about him and his overwhelming victory at the polls that General Ibrahim Babangida annulled to his shame.
Whatever General Babangida’s achievement as head of state for 8 years pales in comparison to the impact his annulling the June 12 1993 elections has had on the nation. I think the general should take his words back.
The dictionary defines the word heresy as unorthodox religious opinion or the holding of an unorthodox religious opinion; one that is inconsistent with and contradicts established religious teaching, especially one that is officially condemned by a religious authority.
Permit me to remove the word heresy from its original contextual habitat and place it in an environment that is also as delicate, organized and subject to a lot of human abuses like religion - democracy. The simplest definition of democracy is “the government of the people, by the people and for the people”. The setting up this government and its powers is derived from the constitution agreed upon by the people. So it irks me when men who have raped, battered, refused and rejected the thriving of democracy in the history of Nigeria come out and mouth words about democracy; words that in my own opinion amount to profanities.
Ibrahim Badamasi Babangida and whatever he does or says does not excite me. But it is important that just in case there is somebody writing a script for him on national issues, the Minna-born general should consider firing the person because the fellow is a bad script writer. And if some of his recent pronouncements are a product of his thought processes, therefore his considered opinion, then he has completely lost the battle to redeem himself.
It is utter heresy, down right profane, for General Ibrahim Babangida, former military head of state, military president and democracy batterer to state that MKO Abiola should be immortalized. IBB’s statement is an insult on the sensibilities of many Nigerians who fought for civil rule and democracy and who are still alive to tell the story today. I am also sure that it will make those who died in the struggle to turn in their grave when they hear him pontificate on a matter that you do not ‘have a mouth in’.
Abiola or any other person who died or suffered while fighting for democracy to be instituted in the country, do not need the government to immortalize them; they do not need a political proclamation that only seeks to keep the like of IIB on the front pages of newspapers. Abiola is already immortalized in the hearts of members of his family, in the thousands of newspaper stories and millions of words that have been written about him and his overwhelming victory at the polls that General Ibrahim Babangida annulled to his shame.
Whatever General Babangida’s achievement as head of state for 8 years pales in comparison to the impact his annulling the June 12 1993 elections has had on the nation. I think the general should take his words back.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Glossary Of Current Nigerian Political Terms
By Dafe Ivwurie
In Nigerian politics there are no dull moments. There is always something to talk about at the national, state or local government levels. And we must give kudos to the Nigeria press for always bringing us up to speed with happenings all over the country. Had it not been for members of the Fourth Estate of the realm, we would not have known the intrigues and power play that almost consumed the political soul of the country at the height of the Yar’Adua-is-sick-Goodluck-must-take-over debacle.
I am wondering, is anybody writing a book on “The Politics of Sickness and Presidential Succession”? The title can always change depending on what you prefer to focus on. But that is not our concern here at the moment.
I have been looking at a number of words that have been used profusely in the Nigerian press in the last six months and how they will shape the coming campaign and election season. Although I call it a glossary of current buzzwords in Nigerian political conversation, it is not in alphabetical order, neither is it exhaustive. I have chosen to start with the word cabal.
The dictionary meanings of the word cabal are; a small group of secret plotters, as against a government or person in authority; the plots and schemes of such a group; intrigue. The word came to national prominence when all the shenanigans about the politics of the health of the late Umaru Yar’Adua were on. It was reported that a certain cabal, a group of plotters, intriguers or junta were taking advantage of the late President’s incapacitation to ‘arrange’ themselves. In case you are not familiar with Nigerian street language, the word ‘arrange’ means to manipulate a situation to achieve a desired selfish motive. Reports had it that Hajia Turai Yar’Adua was the head of that infamous group of arrangers or cabal.
However, the death of Yar’Adua does not mean that the word has been expunged from current political usage. Probably relegated to the background but also assuming a more strategic role in the emergence of Goodluck Jonathan as the would-be presidential flag bearer for the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP). Please note names like Theophilus Danjuma, Mike Oghiadomhe, Ima Niboro, Cairo Ojougboh in the coming months and many more that will come up. Synonyms for cabal are manipulating (manipulators), collude (colluders), conspire (conspirators) and scheme (schemers).
The next word is zoning. It would help for you to disregard the geography and regional planning definition of the word. Also, it has nothing to do with the time segmentation of the earth or the allocation of land. Zoning is a political term coined by the ruling PDP. It became popular in the run up to the election that brought Olusegun Obasanjo into power in 1999. The argument was that the acclaimed winner of the nullified June 12, 1993 election, Bashorun MKO Abiola, was from the South West of Nigeria; and since he was not allowed to take up his mandate before he died in prison, it was politically expedient to pacify that zone, region, geographical location by ‘enthroning’ one of his kinsmen. The pattern, which is enshrined in the constitution of the PDP and which is almost being peddled as if it is entrenched in the Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria was what brought Yar’Adua and Jonathan to power in 2007. Please note that if PDP did not zone to the North, Goodluck Jonathan would not have been vice president and invariably president today. But is the largest party in Africa about to jettison or scrap that constitutional provision now that it seems that Goodluck may be interested in the presidency? Will Jonathan himself begin to plot with his own cabal to change the pattern? PDP seems to be boxed in now as they will have to contend with credibility issues when they begin to tinker their constitution again to achieve an arranged result. Synonyms for zoning are exclusion and elimination.
Governors’ Forum: Note that this noun is a political organisation. There are different factions of the Governors’ Forum like the Northern Governors Forum, the South South Governors Forum, the South West Governors Forum and of course, the PDP Governors Forum. It is not a political party but when its members are united, there is nothing they cannot achieve. For instance, it was reported in the press that the President was only able to choose a vice president, a governor from Kaduna State, after a meeting with the forum. Remember that Yar’Adua and Jonathan were members of that group when Lucky Igbinedion was the chairman. It will also do a world of good if you put this other fact at the back of your mind; that the governors played a major role in bringing the political impasse occasioned by the late president’s ill health to an ‘expedient resolution’. Synonyms for governors forum are power brokers, kingmakers and deal brokers.
Niger Delta: May I urge you to do away with the images of AK-47-wielding, grenade-launching and trigger-happy militants that have so much become the images that come to mind when the Niger Delta is mentioned in any conversation. It used to be that the images that the Niger Delta conjured in the past were that of environmental degradation, depravation, neglect and abject poverty amongst the people from whose community the oil that greases the wheel of development in other parts of the country, especially Abuja, is tapped. It seems to be convenient for some political players that militancy is drummed up as against the need to resolve the neglect that has been the case in the region forever. Goodluck Jonathan is from that region and a former governor of Bayelsa State, which is very active in the agitation for desired development of the people of the region. Now that one of their own is the Commander-in-chief, will they make it mandatory for the status quo to remain in order to ensure peace and speedy development? Will the ruling party use the current amnesty programme as a political tool? More than ever, the Niger Delta will play a major role in the coming election. Will the states that make up the region remain loyal to PDP? I get the feeling that if there is a candidate strong enough to sway the people into thinking that PDP has failed in most of the states in the region, PDP might lose some of them. Synonyms of Niger Delta are cash cow, neglect and troubled spot.
There are other words like, consensus, lobby, credible elections, electoral reforms and wait for this, IBB.
Published in Saturday Independent, 22 May, 2010: http://www.independentngonline.com/DailyIndependent/Article.aspx?id=13980
In Nigerian politics there are no dull moments. There is always something to talk about at the national, state or local government levels. And we must give kudos to the Nigeria press for always bringing us up to speed with happenings all over the country. Had it not been for members of the Fourth Estate of the realm, we would not have known the intrigues and power play that almost consumed the political soul of the country at the height of the Yar’Adua-is-sick-Goodluck-must-take-over debacle.
I am wondering, is anybody writing a book on “The Politics of Sickness and Presidential Succession”? The title can always change depending on what you prefer to focus on. But that is not our concern here at the moment.
I have been looking at a number of words that have been used profusely in the Nigerian press in the last six months and how they will shape the coming campaign and election season. Although I call it a glossary of current buzzwords in Nigerian political conversation, it is not in alphabetical order, neither is it exhaustive. I have chosen to start with the word cabal.
The dictionary meanings of the word cabal are; a small group of secret plotters, as against a government or person in authority; the plots and schemes of such a group; intrigue. The word came to national prominence when all the shenanigans about the politics of the health of the late Umaru Yar’Adua were on. It was reported that a certain cabal, a group of plotters, intriguers or junta were taking advantage of the late President’s incapacitation to ‘arrange’ themselves. In case you are not familiar with Nigerian street language, the word ‘arrange’ means to manipulate a situation to achieve a desired selfish motive. Reports had it that Hajia Turai Yar’Adua was the head of that infamous group of arrangers or cabal.
However, the death of Yar’Adua does not mean that the word has been expunged from current political usage. Probably relegated to the background but also assuming a more strategic role in the emergence of Goodluck Jonathan as the would-be presidential flag bearer for the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP). Please note names like Theophilus Danjuma, Mike Oghiadomhe, Ima Niboro, Cairo Ojougboh in the coming months and many more that will come up. Synonyms for cabal are manipulating (manipulators), collude (colluders), conspire (conspirators) and scheme (schemers).
The next word is zoning. It would help for you to disregard the geography and regional planning definition of the word. Also, it has nothing to do with the time segmentation of the earth or the allocation of land. Zoning is a political term coined by the ruling PDP. It became popular in the run up to the election that brought Olusegun Obasanjo into power in 1999. The argument was that the acclaimed winner of the nullified June 12, 1993 election, Bashorun MKO Abiola, was from the South West of Nigeria; and since he was not allowed to take up his mandate before he died in prison, it was politically expedient to pacify that zone, region, geographical location by ‘enthroning’ one of his kinsmen. The pattern, which is enshrined in the constitution of the PDP and which is almost being peddled as if it is entrenched in the Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria was what brought Yar’Adua and Jonathan to power in 2007. Please note that if PDP did not zone to the North, Goodluck Jonathan would not have been vice president and invariably president today. But is the largest party in Africa about to jettison or scrap that constitutional provision now that it seems that Goodluck may be interested in the presidency? Will Jonathan himself begin to plot with his own cabal to change the pattern? PDP seems to be boxed in now as they will have to contend with credibility issues when they begin to tinker their constitution again to achieve an arranged result. Synonyms for zoning are exclusion and elimination.
Governors’ Forum: Note that this noun is a political organisation. There are different factions of the Governors’ Forum like the Northern Governors Forum, the South South Governors Forum, the South West Governors Forum and of course, the PDP Governors Forum. It is not a political party but when its members are united, there is nothing they cannot achieve. For instance, it was reported in the press that the President was only able to choose a vice president, a governor from Kaduna State, after a meeting with the forum. Remember that Yar’Adua and Jonathan were members of that group when Lucky Igbinedion was the chairman. It will also do a world of good if you put this other fact at the back of your mind; that the governors played a major role in bringing the political impasse occasioned by the late president’s ill health to an ‘expedient resolution’. Synonyms for governors forum are power brokers, kingmakers and deal brokers.
Niger Delta: May I urge you to do away with the images of AK-47-wielding, grenade-launching and trigger-happy militants that have so much become the images that come to mind when the Niger Delta is mentioned in any conversation. It used to be that the images that the Niger Delta conjured in the past were that of environmental degradation, depravation, neglect and abject poverty amongst the people from whose community the oil that greases the wheel of development in other parts of the country, especially Abuja, is tapped. It seems to be convenient for some political players that militancy is drummed up as against the need to resolve the neglect that has been the case in the region forever. Goodluck Jonathan is from that region and a former governor of Bayelsa State, which is very active in the agitation for desired development of the people of the region. Now that one of their own is the Commander-in-chief, will they make it mandatory for the status quo to remain in order to ensure peace and speedy development? Will the ruling party use the current amnesty programme as a political tool? More than ever, the Niger Delta will play a major role in the coming election. Will the states that make up the region remain loyal to PDP? I get the feeling that if there is a candidate strong enough to sway the people into thinking that PDP has failed in most of the states in the region, PDP might lose some of them. Synonyms of Niger Delta are cash cow, neglect and troubled spot.
There are other words like, consensus, lobby, credible elections, electoral reforms and wait for this, IBB.
Published in Saturday Independent, 22 May, 2010: http://www.independentngonline.com/DailyIndependent/Article.aspx?id=13980
Sunday, May 16, 2010
My Name Is Goodluck, I Sleep With Patience
By Dafe Ivwurie
Few people are as lucky as Goodluck Ebele Jonathan. The only other person I can think of in modern political history, who has had the opportunity of a good fortune is Barack Obama. If Obama was the renegade that broke all the rules about American politics leading him to win the biggest prize in politics, then Jonathan is a study in how we can be predestined by our names, in fact, a study in what some Pentecostal preachers refer to a ‘sweat-less’ struggle in the attainment of your goals in life. I am not even sure that being president of the most populous black nation on earth was part of what Jonathan wanted in life.
The comparison between Jonathan and Obama probably stops at breaking a particular set of rules that makes the politics of both countries notorious and closely monitored around the world. While Barack Obama fought hard and long, with hundreds of speeches and town hall meetings to impress Americans, defeating political institutions in the process, Goodluck Jonathan can hardly be pinned down to any sociopolitical and economic ideology whether they be adopted, propounded or redefined by him.
Before becoming the president of Nigeria, he had in almost similar circumstance been the governor of Bayelsa State when Diepreye Alamieyeseigha was deposed because of allegations of corruption. He was a loyal deputy governor then, just as he was a loyal vice president to the late President Umaru Yar’Adua. When the late president became incapacitated, Jonathan patiently waited for the National Assembly to bend the rules on the altar of political expediency to provide a leeway for him to act as president after so much agitation by the civil society and eminent Nigerians. And now he is president because the president died. How lucky can a man get in a lifetime!
It has been said that President Goodluck Jonathan is a very patient man. I guess the only thing to be when you are Goodluck is be patient and watch your good fortunes unfold. On top of that, he went and married Patience for a wife. When you sleep with patience (pun intended here, please) it does not take long for you to eat the good of the land.
In time, Jonathan will find out that Nigerians are not as patient as he is. They cannot be patient with unemployment rising, the unsolved power problem, the apprehensions over credible elections, the security situation and a lot more.
Aspiring to and attaining the highest office in any country, especially Nigeria, should not be based on any sentiments – ethnic, religious and certainly not on any astrological permutation and dependence on the bad fortunes of others, it must be earned by presidential candidates espousing their core beliefs to the electorates. Jonathan has said he will continue with the Seven-point Agenda of his former boss. Three years into the presidency of Yar’Adua before his sad demise, it is difficult to hold on to any concrete achievement on any of the key performance indicators he set for himself.
I am particularly wary that very soon the President’s aides will begin to talk about how it is difficult to achieve anything in just one year and how Jonathan should be allowed to run in 2011. I do not think that anything other than the Peoples Democratic Party ,PDP, (because of their zoning policy) stops Jonathan from contesting the presidency. If he gets the PDP ticket then it will be a very interesting election to watch. It will be interesting because we will have an opportunity to grill him on a number of issues. Furthermore, if credible candidates come up, it will be quite intriguing to note how he fairs in a national debate. I am also sure that a lot of Nigerians will want to know how he would allow the PDP machinery to work for him or otherwise.
He runs the risk of being accused of getting to Aso Rock on the back of an incredible election just like the one supervised by Maurice Iwu and stage-managed by Olusegun Obasanjo, if he runs and wins. The best option is for the President to play the role of a statesman; lay down the framework for and deliver free, fair and credible elections that will usher in a government that will be respected by everyone including the international community.
Nigeria does not need and does not deserve a sick president. Neither does Nigeria deserve a president that emerges from some kind of political arrangement. I expect the political class to be more circumspect this time around and not allow anybody to have an overbearing influence on what affects our collective destiny.
The UK elections has just ended with Gordon Brown resigning as head of the Labour Party and invariably as prime minister, giving way for David Cameron, the leader of the opposition Conservatives, to form a government with Nick Clegg’s Liberal Democrats. The beauty of elections in the UK and America, especially, is the focus on the economy, internal security and foreign policy, not necessarily in that order. I hope that for once since the departure of the Awos, the Ziks and the Balewas, Nigerian politicians will take Nigeria seriously. We have been ruled for too long by sentiments and it has only gotten us this far.
By the way, does anybody know the names of Goodluck and Patience’s children? I hope they are not Longsuffering, Tolerance and Contentment? In any case, I’d rather Jubilee in this 50th year of Nigeria’s independence.
Few people are as lucky as Goodluck Ebele Jonathan. The only other person I can think of in modern political history, who has had the opportunity of a good fortune is Barack Obama. If Obama was the renegade that broke all the rules about American politics leading him to win the biggest prize in politics, then Jonathan is a study in how we can be predestined by our names, in fact, a study in what some Pentecostal preachers refer to a ‘sweat-less’ struggle in the attainment of your goals in life. I am not even sure that being president of the most populous black nation on earth was part of what Jonathan wanted in life.
The comparison between Jonathan and Obama probably stops at breaking a particular set of rules that makes the politics of both countries notorious and closely monitored around the world. While Barack Obama fought hard and long, with hundreds of speeches and town hall meetings to impress Americans, defeating political institutions in the process, Goodluck Jonathan can hardly be pinned down to any sociopolitical and economic ideology whether they be adopted, propounded or redefined by him.
Before becoming the president of Nigeria, he had in almost similar circumstance been the governor of Bayelsa State when Diepreye Alamieyeseigha was deposed because of allegations of corruption. He was a loyal deputy governor then, just as he was a loyal vice president to the late President Umaru Yar’Adua. When the late president became incapacitated, Jonathan patiently waited for the National Assembly to bend the rules on the altar of political expediency to provide a leeway for him to act as president after so much agitation by the civil society and eminent Nigerians. And now he is president because the president died. How lucky can a man get in a lifetime!
It has been said that President Goodluck Jonathan is a very patient man. I guess the only thing to be when you are Goodluck is be patient and watch your good fortunes unfold. On top of that, he went and married Patience for a wife. When you sleep with patience (pun intended here, please) it does not take long for you to eat the good of the land.
In time, Jonathan will find out that Nigerians are not as patient as he is. They cannot be patient with unemployment rising, the unsolved power problem, the apprehensions over credible elections, the security situation and a lot more.
Aspiring to and attaining the highest office in any country, especially Nigeria, should not be based on any sentiments – ethnic, religious and certainly not on any astrological permutation and dependence on the bad fortunes of others, it must be earned by presidential candidates espousing their core beliefs to the electorates. Jonathan has said he will continue with the Seven-point Agenda of his former boss. Three years into the presidency of Yar’Adua before his sad demise, it is difficult to hold on to any concrete achievement on any of the key performance indicators he set for himself.
I am particularly wary that very soon the President’s aides will begin to talk about how it is difficult to achieve anything in just one year and how Jonathan should be allowed to run in 2011. I do not think that anything other than the Peoples Democratic Party ,PDP, (because of their zoning policy) stops Jonathan from contesting the presidency. If he gets the PDP ticket then it will be a very interesting election to watch. It will be interesting because we will have an opportunity to grill him on a number of issues. Furthermore, if credible candidates come up, it will be quite intriguing to note how he fairs in a national debate. I am also sure that a lot of Nigerians will want to know how he would allow the PDP machinery to work for him or otherwise.
He runs the risk of being accused of getting to Aso Rock on the back of an incredible election just like the one supervised by Maurice Iwu and stage-managed by Olusegun Obasanjo, if he runs and wins. The best option is for the President to play the role of a statesman; lay down the framework for and deliver free, fair and credible elections that will usher in a government that will be respected by everyone including the international community.
Nigeria does not need and does not deserve a sick president. Neither does Nigeria deserve a president that emerges from some kind of political arrangement. I expect the political class to be more circumspect this time around and not allow anybody to have an overbearing influence on what affects our collective destiny.
The UK elections has just ended with Gordon Brown resigning as head of the Labour Party and invariably as prime minister, giving way for David Cameron, the leader of the opposition Conservatives, to form a government with Nick Clegg’s Liberal Democrats. The beauty of elections in the UK and America, especially, is the focus on the economy, internal security and foreign policy, not necessarily in that order. I hope that for once since the departure of the Awos, the Ziks and the Balewas, Nigerian politicians will take Nigeria seriously. We have been ruled for too long by sentiments and it has only gotten us this far.
By the way, does anybody know the names of Goodluck and Patience’s children? I hope they are not Longsuffering, Tolerance and Contentment? In any case, I’d rather Jubilee in this 50th year of Nigeria’s independence.
Understanding Naija Hip Hop
By Dafe Ivwurie
The word ‘swagga’ or ‘swagger’ or ‘swag’ as the case may be is perhaps the most used word in Nigerian hip hop lingo in the last one year and it is a noun that simply means “a very high degree of belief in one's own abilities” or “extreme self-confidence”. Your swag can be seen in the way you dress, the way you speak and the way you generally carry yourself. So when you hear KC Presh and Terry G say “ginger your swagga”, it only means boost your self confidence or believe in your self.
Hip hop is unarguably the most listened to genre of music in Nigeria today. That is simply because this is what Nigerian radio and television stations play, with the exception of those set up to take care of more eclectic and classic taste. The newspapers, glossy magazines and the soft sells (some of which you might prefer to call junk and I wonder why) celebrate them. They are identified by their whole get up; the bling (which Lagbaja refers to as panda (imitation) in one of his albums) the raunchy video with ill clad girls, the oversized sagging pants and shirts and of course, the general joie de vivre around them: hip hop in Nigeria and pretty much anywhere else the music enjoys patronage is all about the good life. It celebrates Moet, Hennessy and Bacardi in the company of starry eyed giggly girls.
But it is not the exuberant and flamboyant lifestyles that fascinate me, rather it is the language as you may have noticed from the intro of this piece. One thing that delights me from the trend in the genre is the code-switching; the switching from the English to Nigerian languages. Nigerian languages have become a major part of the hip hop textual content; hence you hear artiste switching between the English language and Yoruba or Igbo (the two languages that enjoy prominence) Hausa and Pidgin English. For me, two artistes epitomize the trend and they are not necessarily the most popular: they are 9ice and the rapper known as That Nigga Raw. The former with Yoruba and the latter with Igbo. They are good examples of the fact that you can understand your language very deeply, sing in it and still sound hip. The fact is arguable, though, that no other artiste brought hip hop to the fore of popular culture like Ruggedman when he released ‘ehen’, the Pidgin English rap song that ‘dissed’ those that hip hoppers call ‘wack MCs’. The lyrics were very clear and appealed to the masses. A lot of rappers took a cue from the delivery and style that finally broke all barriers. The hip hop stage opened up and we stopped seeing rappers as just some bunch of kids throwing tantrums on stage.
However, much as I love what we all refer to as Naija Hip Hop, I am a bit worried about lyrical content. When I was growing up the word choco or choko meant either chocolate or any chocolate drink. It is interesting how words take on new meaning. Can someone please tell Sean Tero that his choko is dangerous to his health? But I love that song:
pass me the choko, choko/
I gbadun the choko, choko/
I choko the choko, choko/
anywhere wey you see me make you pass me the choko.
I am sure a lot of you like the song, too, but when your daughter or son walks up to you and asks “daddy what is the meaning of choko?” please be honest to tell her or him that choko means marijuana or Kaya according to Bob Marley, Mary Jane according to Wyclef Jean or Kpoli according to Tuface Idibia or cannabis or ganja, according to my idren in Jamaica. Do you still want the choko?
I used to think that the expression or acclamation, Hallelujah, belonged in the church until I heard this song by Terry G in the club:
Everybody shout hallelujah, hallelujah
Maga don pay, hallelujah
Everybody shout hallelujah, hallelujah
Mugu don pay, hallelujah.
Our focus is on the words maga and mugu. I have known the word mugu since I was probably 6 as a word that described someone that is daft. Maga, I want to believe, is a recent coinage, a mutation of the word mugu which means the same thing. But because we know that words can be ambiguous and can have sociological connotation, it will interest you to know that a maga is someone who falls prey to a scam, especially the Nigerian type called 419. Now, scamming or gbajue as the Yoruba would refer to it has been around for a long time. However, there was a new dimension added to it when the internet came into existence and Nigeria became synonymous with this special brand of electronic scamming. Those who engage in it are referred to as ‘yahoo boys’. I do not suppose that these were the guys Olu Maintain was glorifying in his song ‘Yahozee’ which became an anthem with its own dance moves in Nigeria almost three years ago. But I suspect that only people who make money from ‘yahooing’ others would engage in the kind of ‘lau lau’ spending that Olu Maintain and Eldee sang about in ‘Yahoozee’ and ‘Big Boy’. Good music not doubt, at least it got Collin Powell dancing in London the other day.
The notion that Nigerian music can be better than the celebration of wine, women and revelry that is today is debatable. Musicians pick their materials from the prevalent situation in the country, the continent or on the global stage. Gone are the days of ‘Fire in Soweto’ and ‘Papa’s Land’ by Sony Okosuns; South Africa is free now. Gone are the days of ‘International Thief Thief’ and Unknown Soldiers by Fela; Nigeria is democratic state. Interestingly, while Fela Anikulapo-Kuti and Sony Okosuns were busy sharpening their lyrical dexterity against Apartheid regime in South Africa and Corruption in Nigeria, some Nigerian musicians were busy feeding the party life. Musicians are free to choose their materials and sing about anything under the sun, what I worry about is do they worry about posterity?
Popular music in whatever form – afrobeat, reggae, fuji, juju, hip hop to name a few - belongs to the street and from the street it must derive its language if it must stay relevant to its patrons. As classic as ‘Sexual Healing’ by Marvin Gaye may sounds, I think it is a bit too heavy for the ears and so does ‘I wanna sex you up’ by Colour Me Bad and the expression ‘je ka sere omo’ or ‘ka gbetan le tan’.
Some contemporary Nigerian artistes are actually getting innovative; ever heard the expression minimini wanawana or shokishombolo? They actually mean the same thing that the previous words conjure in your mind.
The word ‘swagga’ or ‘swagger’ or ‘swag’ as the case may be is perhaps the most used word in Nigerian hip hop lingo in the last one year and it is a noun that simply means “a very high degree of belief in one's own abilities” or “extreme self-confidence”. Your swag can be seen in the way you dress, the way you speak and the way you generally carry yourself. So when you hear KC Presh and Terry G say “ginger your swagga”, it only means boost your self confidence or believe in your self.
Hip hop is unarguably the most listened to genre of music in Nigeria today. That is simply because this is what Nigerian radio and television stations play, with the exception of those set up to take care of more eclectic and classic taste. The newspapers, glossy magazines and the soft sells (some of which you might prefer to call junk and I wonder why) celebrate them. They are identified by their whole get up; the bling (which Lagbaja refers to as panda (imitation) in one of his albums) the raunchy video with ill clad girls, the oversized sagging pants and shirts and of course, the general joie de vivre around them: hip hop in Nigeria and pretty much anywhere else the music enjoys patronage is all about the good life. It celebrates Moet, Hennessy and Bacardi in the company of starry eyed giggly girls.
But it is not the exuberant and flamboyant lifestyles that fascinate me, rather it is the language as you may have noticed from the intro of this piece. One thing that delights me from the trend in the genre is the code-switching; the switching from the English to Nigerian languages. Nigerian languages have become a major part of the hip hop textual content; hence you hear artiste switching between the English language and Yoruba or Igbo (the two languages that enjoy prominence) Hausa and Pidgin English. For me, two artistes epitomize the trend and they are not necessarily the most popular: they are 9ice and the rapper known as That Nigga Raw. The former with Yoruba and the latter with Igbo. They are good examples of the fact that you can understand your language very deeply, sing in it and still sound hip. The fact is arguable, though, that no other artiste brought hip hop to the fore of popular culture like Ruggedman when he released ‘ehen’, the Pidgin English rap song that ‘dissed’ those that hip hoppers call ‘wack MCs’. The lyrics were very clear and appealed to the masses. A lot of rappers took a cue from the delivery and style that finally broke all barriers. The hip hop stage opened up and we stopped seeing rappers as just some bunch of kids throwing tantrums on stage.
However, much as I love what we all refer to as Naija Hip Hop, I am a bit worried about lyrical content. When I was growing up the word choco or choko meant either chocolate or any chocolate drink. It is interesting how words take on new meaning. Can someone please tell Sean Tero that his choko is dangerous to his health? But I love that song:
pass me the choko, choko/
I gbadun the choko, choko/
I choko the choko, choko/
anywhere wey you see me make you pass me the choko.
I am sure a lot of you like the song, too, but when your daughter or son walks up to you and asks “daddy what is the meaning of choko?” please be honest to tell her or him that choko means marijuana or Kaya according to Bob Marley, Mary Jane according to Wyclef Jean or Kpoli according to Tuface Idibia or cannabis or ganja, according to my idren in Jamaica. Do you still want the choko?
I used to think that the expression or acclamation, Hallelujah, belonged in the church until I heard this song by Terry G in the club:
Everybody shout hallelujah, hallelujah
Maga don pay, hallelujah
Everybody shout hallelujah, hallelujah
Mugu don pay, hallelujah.
Our focus is on the words maga and mugu. I have known the word mugu since I was probably 6 as a word that described someone that is daft. Maga, I want to believe, is a recent coinage, a mutation of the word mugu which means the same thing. But because we know that words can be ambiguous and can have sociological connotation, it will interest you to know that a maga is someone who falls prey to a scam, especially the Nigerian type called 419. Now, scamming or gbajue as the Yoruba would refer to it has been around for a long time. However, there was a new dimension added to it when the internet came into existence and Nigeria became synonymous with this special brand of electronic scamming. Those who engage in it are referred to as ‘yahoo boys’. I do not suppose that these were the guys Olu Maintain was glorifying in his song ‘Yahozee’ which became an anthem with its own dance moves in Nigeria almost three years ago. But I suspect that only people who make money from ‘yahooing’ others would engage in the kind of ‘lau lau’ spending that Olu Maintain and Eldee sang about in ‘Yahoozee’ and ‘Big Boy’. Good music not doubt, at least it got Collin Powell dancing in London the other day.
The notion that Nigerian music can be better than the celebration of wine, women and revelry that is today is debatable. Musicians pick their materials from the prevalent situation in the country, the continent or on the global stage. Gone are the days of ‘Fire in Soweto’ and ‘Papa’s Land’ by Sony Okosuns; South Africa is free now. Gone are the days of ‘International Thief Thief’ and Unknown Soldiers by Fela; Nigeria is democratic state. Interestingly, while Fela Anikulapo-Kuti and Sony Okosuns were busy sharpening their lyrical dexterity against Apartheid regime in South Africa and Corruption in Nigeria, some Nigerian musicians were busy feeding the party life. Musicians are free to choose their materials and sing about anything under the sun, what I worry about is do they worry about posterity?
Popular music in whatever form – afrobeat, reggae, fuji, juju, hip hop to name a few - belongs to the street and from the street it must derive its language if it must stay relevant to its patrons. As classic as ‘Sexual Healing’ by Marvin Gaye may sounds, I think it is a bit too heavy for the ears and so does ‘I wanna sex you up’ by Colour Me Bad and the expression ‘je ka sere omo’ or ‘ka gbetan le tan’.
Some contemporary Nigerian artistes are actually getting innovative; ever heard the expression minimini wanawana or shokishombolo? They actually mean the same thing that the previous words conjure in your mind.
Of Sound, The Spoken Word, Technology and Nigerian Politics
By Dafe Ivwurie
“Of sound, the spoken word and technology; it should not be long before audio/visual recordings become untenable as evidence. Cleverly manipulated and placed in a different context, your utterances would acquire new meaning.”
The above quote was taken from Lagbaja’s tribute – a collection of four songs to Fela – the most controversial and most revered activist-musician that has ever come out of Nigeria. Two of the songs in the album titled Abami used Fela’s voice profusely in a prearranged sequence that gave the impression that Lagbaja had sat with the late creator of Afrobeat music in the studio to have an actual conversation. The songs are ‘Vernacular’ and ‘Put Am Well Well’.
About the songs Lagbaja himself had written: “A few questions may arise in your mind. When and where did this conversation take place? Did it even take place at all? Were the sentences uttered in the context in which you hear them now? Were those the exact words and sounds uttered in that exact order and context? In fact, did Fela utter some of these words and sounds? Whatever your self-inflicted answers, remember not to believe everything you see on television. Neither should you believe all that you hear…”
Although this is not a music review, it is apropos to opine that the Abami (A Tribute to Fela) album is the best, most radical and most creative musical tribute that has ever been paid to Fela since his demise. Lagbaja, the masked musician has MEE Mofe Damijo, of very blessed memory, to thank for the materials he used for the songs. MEE had conducted one of the most comprehensive and in-depth interviews with Fela. It was a most creative and clever manipulation of the spoken word by Lagbaja to create a different context than it was originally intended.
Guess who is manipulating contexts again. Tiger Woods. Well, not exactly. On the eve of returning to competitive golf after a five-month, self-imposed hiatus, NIKE, one of the sponsors who have stood by him through the sex scandal that stunned the world, released a commercial that got the world talking again. I think it is germane to see the original context of the recorded voice, which I have managed to transcribe. It is from a Tiger Woods DVD documentary released in 2004. In what I suppose is an answer to the question on whose character traits between his father and mother he possesses, Tiger had said:
“I am a mixture of both, ‘cos when I play, I can see both of them in me. I am pretty fiery but at times I am calm.”
Earl’s response, in the documentary, to Tiger’s comments was:
“… yea. Tilda (Tiger’s mother) is very authoritative and very definitive, so yes and no. I am more prone to be inquisitive, to promote discussion. I want to find out what your thinking was. I want to find out what your feelings are. And did you learn anything? So, we (Earl and Tilda) are two different types, but we co-existed very well.”
In the advert, some parts of the above comments were expunged or discarded or jettisoned to create a different mood and context of Earl Woods speaking to (scolding, admonishing, counselling) a somber looking, stoned face Tiger in an apt atmosphere of pin-drop silence as Tiger could only manage to blink two or three times in the 30 seconds clip with these words: “(Tiger), I am more prone to be inquisitive, to promote discussion. I want to find out what your thinking was. I want to find out what your feelings are. And did you learn anything?” In the original recording, Earl was not speaking to Tiger but in the NIKE ad, Earl was speaking directly to tiger.
We will never agree on whether the ad is good or bad (and I have actually heard some people say it is eerie and creepy) but we would all agree that it achieves one major thing; it’s got people talking.
The veracity or authenticity of Earl’s voice and words and Fela’s voice and words in the two examples of contextual meanings are not in doubt. But we must look at another example; the Yar’Adua/BBC ‘interview’. I, in particular, did not hear the original broadcast on BBC Hausa service, but I heard a voice that the BBC (British Broadcasting Service) say is the voice of our ailing President, Umaru Yar’Adua, posted on their website. Who are we to doubt? The voice sounded sick and tired when it (the voice) said:
“At the moment I am undergoing treatment, and I’m getting better from the treatment. I hope that very soon there will be tremendous progress, which will allow me to get back home. I wish, at this stage, to thank all Nigerians for their prayers for my good health, and for their prayers for the nation.
“As soon as my doctors discharge me, I will return to Nigeria to resume my duties. I would also like to wish our team, the Super Eagles, success in our Nation’s Cup matches in Angola.”
The question that comes after hearing the voice requires a yes or no answer. If you heard the voice, was that Umaru Yar’Adua’s voice? We would remain divided on this when we look at it from different perspectives. The nagging questions are: Why BBC? Why BBC Hausa Service and not BBC World Service? Why not Federal Radio Corporation of Nigeria? Why not Voice of Nigeria? Perhaps, nobody puts it more in context than the National Assembly that admitted that interview, indeed, the voice in evidence, in the case of Yar’Adua and the Presidency Vs Jonathan and the Nigerian people. The honourable men of the Assembly unanimously agreed that the voice was that of the President and was tenable in evidence. It is based on this that Goodluck Jonathan is able to act as president. Thank God for the voice. But let us suppose for one minute that it is discovered that the whole Yar’Adua/BBC thing was a ruse, would Jonathan’s acting presidency be illegal?
The President has since returned as he predicted, albeit like a thief in the night and we have yet to sight him anywhere, except in rumours that he sometimes receives fresh air by being driven around in Abuja and of course by Muslim and Christian clergies, who were invited to pray for him. Note that none of the clergies admitted that they heard his voice clearly, only gestures, grunts and moving lips. Men of God don’t lie, whatever the context.
By the way, does anybody know where the video tapes of a certain coup in 1995 that implicated many military leaders are being kept?
“Of sound, the spoken word and technology; it should not be long before audio/visual recordings become untenable as evidence. Cleverly manipulated and placed in a different context, your utterances would acquire new meaning.”
The above quote was taken from Lagbaja’s tribute – a collection of four songs to Fela – the most controversial and most revered activist-musician that has ever come out of Nigeria. Two of the songs in the album titled Abami used Fela’s voice profusely in a prearranged sequence that gave the impression that Lagbaja had sat with the late creator of Afrobeat music in the studio to have an actual conversation. The songs are ‘Vernacular’ and ‘Put Am Well Well’.
About the songs Lagbaja himself had written: “A few questions may arise in your mind. When and where did this conversation take place? Did it even take place at all? Were the sentences uttered in the context in which you hear them now? Were those the exact words and sounds uttered in that exact order and context? In fact, did Fela utter some of these words and sounds? Whatever your self-inflicted answers, remember not to believe everything you see on television. Neither should you believe all that you hear…”
Although this is not a music review, it is apropos to opine that the Abami (A Tribute to Fela) album is the best, most radical and most creative musical tribute that has ever been paid to Fela since his demise. Lagbaja, the masked musician has MEE Mofe Damijo, of very blessed memory, to thank for the materials he used for the songs. MEE had conducted one of the most comprehensive and in-depth interviews with Fela. It was a most creative and clever manipulation of the spoken word by Lagbaja to create a different context than it was originally intended.
Guess who is manipulating contexts again. Tiger Woods. Well, not exactly. On the eve of returning to competitive golf after a five-month, self-imposed hiatus, NIKE, one of the sponsors who have stood by him through the sex scandal that stunned the world, released a commercial that got the world talking again. I think it is germane to see the original context of the recorded voice, which I have managed to transcribe. It is from a Tiger Woods DVD documentary released in 2004. In what I suppose is an answer to the question on whose character traits between his father and mother he possesses, Tiger had said:
“I am a mixture of both, ‘cos when I play, I can see both of them in me. I am pretty fiery but at times I am calm.”
Earl’s response, in the documentary, to Tiger’s comments was:
“… yea. Tilda (Tiger’s mother) is very authoritative and very definitive, so yes and no. I am more prone to be inquisitive, to promote discussion. I want to find out what your thinking was. I want to find out what your feelings are. And did you learn anything? So, we (Earl and Tilda) are two different types, but we co-existed very well.”
In the advert, some parts of the above comments were expunged or discarded or jettisoned to create a different mood and context of Earl Woods speaking to (scolding, admonishing, counselling) a somber looking, stoned face Tiger in an apt atmosphere of pin-drop silence as Tiger could only manage to blink two or three times in the 30 seconds clip with these words: “(Tiger), I am more prone to be inquisitive, to promote discussion. I want to find out what your thinking was. I want to find out what your feelings are. And did you learn anything?” In the original recording, Earl was not speaking to Tiger but in the NIKE ad, Earl was speaking directly to tiger.
We will never agree on whether the ad is good or bad (and I have actually heard some people say it is eerie and creepy) but we would all agree that it achieves one major thing; it’s got people talking.
The veracity or authenticity of Earl’s voice and words and Fela’s voice and words in the two examples of contextual meanings are not in doubt. But we must look at another example; the Yar’Adua/BBC ‘interview’. I, in particular, did not hear the original broadcast on BBC Hausa service, but I heard a voice that the BBC (British Broadcasting Service) say is the voice of our ailing President, Umaru Yar’Adua, posted on their website. Who are we to doubt? The voice sounded sick and tired when it (the voice) said:
“At the moment I am undergoing treatment, and I’m getting better from the treatment. I hope that very soon there will be tremendous progress, which will allow me to get back home. I wish, at this stage, to thank all Nigerians for their prayers for my good health, and for their prayers for the nation.
“As soon as my doctors discharge me, I will return to Nigeria to resume my duties. I would also like to wish our team, the Super Eagles, success in our Nation’s Cup matches in Angola.”
The question that comes after hearing the voice requires a yes or no answer. If you heard the voice, was that Umaru Yar’Adua’s voice? We would remain divided on this when we look at it from different perspectives. The nagging questions are: Why BBC? Why BBC Hausa Service and not BBC World Service? Why not Federal Radio Corporation of Nigeria? Why not Voice of Nigeria? Perhaps, nobody puts it more in context than the National Assembly that admitted that interview, indeed, the voice in evidence, in the case of Yar’Adua and the Presidency Vs Jonathan and the Nigerian people. The honourable men of the Assembly unanimously agreed that the voice was that of the President and was tenable in evidence. It is based on this that Goodluck Jonathan is able to act as president. Thank God for the voice. But let us suppose for one minute that it is discovered that the whole Yar’Adua/BBC thing was a ruse, would Jonathan’s acting presidency be illegal?
The President has since returned as he predicted, albeit like a thief in the night and we have yet to sight him anywhere, except in rumours that he sometimes receives fresh air by being driven around in Abuja and of course by Muslim and Christian clergies, who were invited to pray for him. Note that none of the clergies admitted that they heard his voice clearly, only gestures, grunts and moving lips. Men of God don’t lie, whatever the context.
By the way, does anybody know where the video tapes of a certain coup in 1995 that implicated many military leaders are being kept?
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